Dual Purpose Thread
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I am offering advice, AMA style, to anyone who needs it.**
If you can into interpersonal relations & conflict resolution, please read the rest of the OP. I've hit a block and outside perspective would be greatly appreciated.
Situation: Older married couple. Shoddy communication. Long-standing unresolved and unaddressed issues. Generally speaking, neither is more in the right or in the wrong than the other. It's all come to a head recently (starting ~5 months ago).
1 month ago: The full extent of this was brought to my attention. They were on their way to calling it quits. She had essentially given up; he had not (though she thought otherwise); and both believed it was hopeless regardless.
Currently: The love is still there, and there are a number of reasons neither of them can feel it being returned anymore. Both would (ideally) prefer to remain together. She is still torn over wanting out yet not wanting to actually get out. They are both now aware of all these things.
The stance he's decided to take: actively putting effort toward progress and resolution.
The stance she's decided to take: being difficult for the sake of being difficult.
I understand what's motivating her but I'm not sure how to proceed at this point.
What's best practice here?
** I'm neither judgmental nor wishy-washy. Forthright and thoughtful input if I can help; won't pretend otherwise if I can't.
>This isn't a conditional offer, just a constructive way to maybe keep the thread bumped a bit longer. If all you want to do is ask a question and get an answer to it, that's totally okay. I'll try to respond to everything that gets posted.
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Hey, /adv/, I have a problem and I thought I'd come to you.
I have been in a relationship with this girl for a month now. It's actually the first real relationship I've been in since ever, not counting a kinda 'friends-with-benefits' relationship I had a few years ago.
Anyhow, it's been great and I really really like her, though in the sex department, there isn't really much going on yet. We make out all the time, but haven't actually had sex yet. I finger her sometimes, she once stroked me over my pants, but only because I kinda led her to the area. Last time we were going at it, I tried to kinda lead her hand to my dick a bit but she didn't do anything. Whenever we do anything sex related she seems to enjoy it, she also said so, but she lays there.. not doing much.
Main problem is we have so little time to spend together since we're both busy and shit, also her parents are quite strict so they won't let me or her sleepover.
I've been obsessing over this.. I just think sex is important in a healthy relationship. I've learned that I'm quite insecure, and this doesn't help.
I wanna talk to her about it, but I just don't know what to say.
I don't know.. what are your thoughts on this?
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I have depression and I've been on antidepressants for about four months. I think I've had it since I was around 12, and it's been so long (8 years) that, until recently, I thought it was just who I was. I was hesitant to call myself depressed because it was normal - for me. I thought that the situation I was in 4-6 months ago, which put me on antidepressants, was a temporary depression but I've realised it was actually one episode of major depression occurring within a general depression that perhaps would be more accurately termed dysthymia.
Often, I am quite socially withdrawn. I can't think of things to say, so I say nothing. Occasionally, though, I am lively, energetic, animated, engaging, even charming; words come easily, I can talk to everyone (even strangers) and I'm quick-witted and funny. I also fidget less, and, if it happened while I was doing work, I would probably also be a lot more productive. I don't need alcohol or other drugs to get into this state, so I believe this is who I really am. I'm not introverted like I always thought; I'm an extrovert with depression. My real personality has been subsumed by an inferior, boring, awkward version of myself. I was always talkative as a child and I can be as an adult.
My question is this: I want to learn how to produce this state naturally. So, how do I? Could a therapist teach me how to do it? I don't expect to be like it all the time, but I'd like to swing the ratio back into my favour. Right now it's probably about 80% in favour of apathetic and dull.
>tl;dr Have depression/dysthymia; occasionally show secret charismatic personality; want to be charismatic more often; what do?
Girlfriend losing interest?
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I've been seeing this girl for a couple months now and things have been mostly good. However I think I fucked up.
We went out last week to the bars with some coworkers. I don't really go out much as I don't really drink, she does. Well after bar close we went back to one of our coworkers places. At this time her and her friend were pretty drunk. Then everybody went to the basement and was passing around a joint.
I don't smoke weed and was feeling pretty uncomfortable. Not just cause of the weed, I'm just weird socially. Long story short, my girlfriend and I ended up arguing about me leaving and her staying and I made her cry.
Since then she's been fairly distant from me. She just gives short replies to my texts, canceled plans to stay the night twice, and barely makes physical contact when we're together instead of being all over me like before.
Anyway, last night I sent her a text asking if everything was cool between us. She never replied. Then in the morning I sent her a text just saying have a nice day. She ended up replying to that 5 hours later just saying "you too" ignoring the other one.
She just sent me a text asking me what my plans were for today. Do I reply like nothing is wrong or just ignore her or what? I'm just confused on what to do...
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How can I motivate myself to do something?
Right now I don't want to do anything but lying in bed and sleep. Even the things I used to like bring me no satisfaction (e.g: anime and movies, videogames, novels), and is not that I don't like any of those, I just don't care anymore.I'm not sad anymore, but I'm not happy or anything.