Please go hug your dog right now. Go play with them. Go check on them.
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I just got home from work to find my dog of 11 years dead in our backyard. He had a bad ear infection and unbeknownst to me, my brother was giving him aspirin. It was the special kind from Petsmart that's made for dogs, but he was giving him too much of it (apparently 3 to 4 of the 120mg tabs per day). The signs and symptoms of his death all seem to point to this. I don't think it was anything else. My brother is denying it because he's just as grief stricken over it, but I'm 99% certain this was the cause.
Words can't explain how I feel right now. I legitimately want to die. I feel like all of my zeal and ambition for life has been stripped away. I don't want to do anything but cry.
That said, I want to talk about something. For the past year or so I had planned on doing many things for this dog that I never got around to. I wanted to take him to a professional cleaner and have his nails and teeth and coat done. I wanted to buy him a proper harness so we could take walks without fear of him hurting himself when he pulled. I wanted to buy him a larger dog house. I wanted to do so much more for and with him. Things that I had planned to do but put off because I didn't have the money, or had it and spent it on crap.
I feel like a piece of shit. I feel like I've failed him. All of the great things I wanted to do with and for this dog were always put on the backburner, and now it's too late. Just typing this makes me want to stop breathing forever. I hate myself for it. I will never forgive myself for it. Please prioritize whatever you have planned for your dog. Please bump it to the top of your to-do list. I no longer have the time or opportunity to, but you can. I got my tax return and I spent it on bullshit. Fucking garbage I didn't need, when I could have spent it on my dog like I had planned to.
His name was Ty. I'm so fucking sorry, Ty. You deserved so much better. I love you and I'll never forget you.