How do i stop shipping fictional characters and caring so much about them?
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Kind of a peculiar thread for /cm/, i know, but i probably could get some help from you guys about this (posted on /lgbt/ too, but i guess it's more a shipping problem rather than a sexuality one)
In fiction, before getting 15yrs old i only shipped (yeah, i know i'm scum) hetero characters.
Now it's VERY rare that i ship hetero characters, and i can only be happy, satisfied and "aaaaw"-like if it's two cute males.
I think i seek the "Aaaw, they could live happily ever after, look how cute they are" feel, and while there's an abundance of these feels in canon hetero ships, i can only satisfy this need with gay pairings, even some that will never happen (and this is where shipping is suffering for me)
Anyway, if i seek the feels when pairing fictional characters, why do i ship almost only males if the same feels can be found in hetero couples?
I guess the question here is: could it be that i've idealized gay relationships a lot, so that i find them more likeable and "pure" than hetero ones, while still getting more hard-ons in real life with females rather than males (i'm male)?
Or do i simply have my head too far up my ass with this whole shipping thing? But seriously, i genuinely feel good or bad depending on if my pairing is getting more "proof of canon" or is instead getting destroyed, and i know it's not normal.
>inb4 "cuz ur gay"
In real life i like 90% of the times females, and i feel mainly sexual attraction.
I rarely get horny with guys, and only if they are feminine or very attractive i can get hard with them. Otherwise, i just REALLY like the idea of a gay relationship, but it's probably because i've got a distorted idea on the internet/media. So i don't know if that's why or not really.
Thanks in advance and sorry for the shipping autism, but i really do need some order in this mess of feels, confusion and just messed up thoughts about ficticious characters.
Pic related, sorry for tumblr but that's exactly how much of a terminal case i am.