How do I stop being such a sensitive weeaboo?
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My biggest interest in the world as of today is Japanese culture and media. I own a massive collection of import games, anime and manga merchandise. I have grown very loyal and faithful to this interest over the years, i'd say it's my persona now and i identify myself with it. Because of my strong loyalty i have a feel of shame because of one this:
Recently I found an old chat log of when i was 16 and younger on my hard drive. My vocabulary was very different back then than it is now. I´d often say "shit" or "crap" in the context of "stuff" or "things" for example. I was going through a time i wanted to fit in with the "cool people", so i presented myself in a much more sarcastic and potty way. What hit me really hard was when i read this, when there was bad blood going on between me and my ex at that time who was a major weeaboo. I´ve always liked Japan and Anime myself, but i wasn't as obsessed with it as she was, yet. My "friends" would mock her obsession with, though they went to much more extremes with it. (Bringing up Japan´s crimes in WW2, Hiroshima and Nanking Massacre) I didn´t go that route, but what i did do was link them her YouTube channel and said "Her favorite videos = Japanese crap" and "Look at all the Japanese crap she has" to troll her, and impress my "friends"
I´m now 21 and i feel overwhelmed of hurt for using such vocabulary in association with my intense passion, i do realize all i did was take a silly teenager stab at an ex. But the feeling i get from it hurts a lot, because over the years i´ve become so much more loyal and faithful to the otaku culture. It almost makes me feel i don´t deserve to be one now, it was like reading me insulting myself, my passion and i feel like trash. I'm unable to feel pleasure in my passion right now, what do i do? Am i being too critical of myself? Set my standard too high?
Please help me stop being like this.
Why are fans of Japanese media so creepy?
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Because Japanese culture is mainly creepy. They value the respect/disrespect aspect of things a great deal, and many of their sexual fantasies are very degrading and creepy in nature. Constantly, their shows' nature is that of a non-stop sequence of cheap jokes and semi-absurd situations, in order to get quick rises and reactions from the audience, and then compensate for the dullness of all of it with rare extreme showings of plot development, in a very dramatic form, in order to keep the audience from leaving the show due to frustration at the lack of conclusion. This cheapness of it all reduces their own standards without them even noticing it, at least in the emotional development aspect, while at the same time those extreme fantasies throw them in the opposite direction, with very high sexual expectations and difficulty in fulfilling them, even if they were able to actually get a relationship going.