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/lit/ Literature

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Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:25:49 No.6568056

[Missing image file: ]

Anyone got some tips on writing a salutatorian speech
>graduation tomorrow
>two days of preparation

this is what I got so far if anyone wants to read. no real central point just rambling while trying to be somewhat humorous

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:26:43 No.6568058
you cant make a better one than this so just do this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:30:12 No.6568069
yeah it's nice, but dfw will be at my graduation so he'll probably give me weird looks

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:30:49 No.6568071
>if anyone feels like perspiring, go ahead cause I'm sure going to

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:35:19 No.6568087

> first paragraph

kinda boring. You're graduating. You're not going to see most of these people ever again. Probably none of them at all. Try out something a bit more stylistic (but don't be obscene obviously)

> edit:

Dear niggaz, got some speech-CRAFT fer ya men todayyeee. Damn, sheeeeit, can I had a glass o water-water, beeeitch? yeaaah sheeit thankee-you. Sheeittt. see this? 'tis water. Water tames the paltry man, the tattered coat upon thine paltry stick. We doth tread platitudes upon the negroid slang of yesteryear; take up the linguistic amalgam of shakespeare's staff and thou reform'st thine language. 'tis aqueous substance.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:37:00 No.6568094
m8, that aint gonna work
any advice on what to add other than your current recommendation

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:39:01 No.6568102

you cant just drop a parable and then go all "lmao its pointless"

bro, its a graduation speech. use a parable you like and talk about it in an interesting way

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:42:09 No.6568113
i was memeing
but you're right

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:43:41 No.6568117
>tfw uk fag
>tfw never had a graduation speech

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:51:26 No.6568136
use the opportunity to broach more in depth the idea of "the rest of your life"

make a reference to cicada's living 17 years underground

make it explicit that your life is no longer preparation, but actualization

quote kierkegaard on anxiety

etc. etc.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 00:56:26 No.6568145
Make a reference to Himmler.
Compare yourself to a phoenix reborn.
Call the president a buffoon and a puppet of the Jews.
Pull down your trousers and defecate into your hands and throw mud pies at the audience.
Tell them it's all a work of art.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 01:06:18 No.6568185
Guys, srs advice only!!!
Actually sounds interesting but I couldn't rewrite my whole speech

Anonymous 2015-05-21 01:06:53 No.6568187
however it turns out, make sure to end it with an extremely ambiguous quote from heraclitus or parmemeides

Anonymous 2015-05-21 01:07:55 No.6568191
Go up slightly drunk and toss out some good old-fashioned fire and brimstone doomsaying about how shit this planet is going to get in the next 5-10 years. Tell them they were fools for wasting their time with university instead of stocking up on ammunition and water filters.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 01:49:05 No.6568338
Damn you lit
Only actual advice

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:20:05 No.6568431
anyone else?

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:33:46 No.6568492
>trying to hard to be DFW

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:36:10 No.6568506
>namedropping dfw
in what way? this a pretty generic speech and if anything I could be "trying" to be anyone who has delivered a good speech

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:39:02 No.6568517
You're presenting a banal platitude, then self-effacing yourself by saying it's a banal platitude

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:42:57 No.6568538
>tfw no maddur how hard I trie, I will never be Dallaz Fourt Wurth Airprot.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:44:43 No.6568546
lol that is true, but every speech has a banal platitude, and all good literature nowadays is self-aware

Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:47:40 No.6568563
Literally just plagiarize this:


Anonymous 2015-05-21 02:53:40 No.6568600
"Any one of you who does not join a union is a traitor to their class and a scab in training. Our one mission now is to abolish the wage slavery which all here have attempted to prepare us for, and our condemnation goes to those scholars, our tutors, who did not prepare us to act for its abolition."

CalleBorjesson 2015-05-21 02:54:54 No.6568608
>one of the most important days of my and my classmates lives to-date;
that's kind of sad. The day you put on an overpriced polyester robe and get a useless piece of paper is "important" to you?
>we wouldn’t be here without your support.
Not true. Kids literally graduate without even trying. Part of the no child left behind program is that kids get ousted from public school regardless of whether or not they're prepared.
>we now understand the subjects well enough that we are prepared for college or the workforce.
No you don't. Your ability to brush your teeth and get a haircut is more important in finding a job than your GPA.
>We’ve learned the importance of responsibility
Except for all the students who are going to drop out of college less than one year from now.
>pay attention to our surroundings and react appropriately
are you just writing random bullshit here and hoping no one notices?

Shorten it up, Jarrett. No one's going to be listening, anyway, they just want to go home.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 03:01:23 No.6568648
points 1,2 are true sure, but literally these are things you're supposed to say
point 3 not true for the workforce, but obv it is for college
point 4 doesn't have much to do with responsibility, just stupidity and realization of the kids who are inept
point 5, this line was intended as a prelude to the joke, but it's true to an extent although broad and generic
I appreciate that you critiqued it but you didn't actually give advice

CalleBorjesson 2015-05-21 03:10:01 No.6568696
Make it a lot shorter.

If you're going to give a generic speech that's indistinguishable from all the other graduation speeches, and if you're just going to jerk everyone off with the same vague bullshit compliments about success and responsibility, then you might as well not waste anyone's time.

You might as well be making a speech about "educational synergy" and how all the students are going to "create a paradigm shift" in colleges across the country giving "face time" to "proactively thinking outside the box" via "streamlining" the lives of their community with "strategic communication" to endorse "sustainability." That's how soulless your speech sounds.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 03:13:39 No.6568707
Well, it's gotta be something like 3 minutes at least
I'm keeping my intro but getting rid of the rest bc I have no basis central point.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 03:14:50 No.6568718
what do you recommend before I begin writing again?

CalleBorjesson 2015-05-21 03:21:00 No.6568746
just read "Oh the places you'll go." A juvenile sendoff for a plebeian education.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 03:26:10 No.6568759
I recommend you don't listen to annoying tripfags

Anonymous 2015-05-21 04:50:02 No.6569018
just rewrote 90% and tried to avoid generic shit (though it ended up a little generic)
also had to throw in my dfw references

Anonymous 2015-05-21 04:52:02 No.6569027
oops wrong link

Anonymous 2015-05-21 04:56:51 No.6569045
Write about how important friends are and how they make everyone's experience with the school unique, despite walking in the same halls for the past 4 years

Anonymous 2015-05-21 04:57:52 No.6569049

Watch some catholic priest sermons online or something; they get repetitive over time, but Vatican II speeches are made to be interesting to a crowd of plebs and are pretty easy to craft.


"when I was a boy..."

<silly thing the priest did>

"but my dad said it's okay, because <insert witty thing here>"

"see, this relates to our reading today because..."


"and whether we are silly little boys who do <insert earlier silly thing> or those who suffer from pornographic or substance addiction, we can all take from this that:"

<insert thing>

"May god be praised."

> end

The audience laughs at the conclusion of the last part, you humanize the big guy in the extremely white robe (which lets them stay on your aircraft of emotion) and then boom, what you actually wanted to say in the first place.

simple rhetoric. Get their interest, build a pathos-based relationship with the audience, build your ethos through personal example, then at the meat of your argument attack and inform with the aforementioned two in addition to logos. And then wrap it up.

Anonymous 2015-05-21 04:58:35 No.6569053
wish you would have said something 8 hours ago

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