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/lit/ Literature

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Anonymous 2013-09-11 01:24:10 No.4103795

[Missing image file: traduzione gozz.png]


I'm starting a project of translating a minor Italian poet in English ( he was never translated before).
My mother tongue is not English ( i'm Italian ), and I would like some feedback, if possible.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 01:41:39 No.4103830
Translating poetry is really hit and miss even when you're completely fluent in both languages.

I can't tell if you are intentionally using words that are rarely used in English, or if you don't know that they are rarely used in English.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 01:51:58 No.4103856
I understand. Which words are you referring to ?

Anonymous 2013-09-11 02:10:41 No.4103883
Idk what that is
maybe rooster?
>tree jacks
what are these?
>my sisters' daughters
this sounds horrible when spoken. maybe "the daughters of my sisters"?
>blonde helmet
that sounds dumb.
>nursery rhyme, play time
this rhyme sounds cheap
>Guido Gozzano
that's the author's name?

I just realized how horrible you can make poems by swapping synonyms.

I can't tell if this is a super old poem, or if it is harkening to a time lost. Do you want to modernize the translation? Keep it the same?

Anonymous 2013-09-11 02:44:20 No.4103961
Thirty, forty,
All the world sings,
The cock crows
And the chicken answers...

Eyes half shut
I lie back in the clover
I see a four-leafer
And leave it unplucked

Madam Colombina
Looks out the window
With doves on its head
As lumberjacks pass by

Man, this is hard work. I think you should rephrase it as Italian prose, then translate that into English prose. The syntax is baffling.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 03:01:57 No.4104014
thanks everyone for the tips

typo. Meant "forty"


the right translation should "infantryman" I think ...

>Guido Gozzano
yes, he is the author

>I can't tell if this is a super old poem, or if it is harkening to a time lost
Time lost I think. I would like to keep it the same

nice job

> I think you should rephrase it as Italian prose, then translate that into English prose. The syntax is baffling.

Hmm hmm. I would like to keep the musicality. I understand my English is far to be perfect, but this was just a "test"

Not OP 2013-09-11 11:30:49 No.4104974
Give me the originals and an email I can contact you with and I'll translate them for you correctly.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 11:38:50 No.4104986
Compagno, Guido Gozzano è un buon poeta da leggere? Insomma, sto approfondendo la letteratura (ho iniziato diciamo dalla letteratura latina e per ora sono al medioevo) e magari potrei aggiungerlo tra gli autori da approfondire.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 12:01:32 No.4105016
I think he is good. Underrated poet. You can find more about him at wikipedia, both in English and Italian.

Thank you, but I don't feel comfortable giving my address on 4chan, and this a personal project I do as a "test". Thanks anyway.
However, if you want to try to translate this ( so I can learn something), here is the original version ( the part I can paste here before the limit )

Anonymous 2013-09-11 12:03:20 No.4105020

"Trenta quaranta,
tutto il Mondo canta
canta lo gallo
risponde la gallina...

Socchiusi gli occhi, sto
supino nel trifoglio,
e vedo un quatrifoglio
che non raccoglierò.

Madama Colombina
s'affaccia alla finestra
con tre colombe in testa:
passan tre fanti...

Belle come la bella
vostra mammina, come
il vostro caro nome,
bimbe di mia sorella!

...su tre cavalli bianchi:
bianca la sella
bianca la donzella
bianco il palafreno...

Nel fare il giro a tondo
estraggono le sorti.
(I bei capelli corti
come caschetto biondo

rifulgono nel sole).
Estraggono a chi tocca
la sorte, in filastrocca
segnando le parole.

Socchiudo gli occhi, estranio
ai casi della vita.
Sento fra le mie dita
la forma del mio cranio...

Ma dunque esito? O strano!
vive tra il Tutto e il Niente
questa cosa vivente
detta guidogozzano!

Resupino sull'erba
(ho detto che non voglio
raccorti, o quatrifoglio)
non penso a che mi serba

la Vita. Oh la carezza
dell'erba! Non agogno
che la virtú del sogno:

Bimbe di mia sorella,
e voi, senza sapere
cantate al mio piacere
la sua favola bella.

Sognare. Oh quella dolce
Madama Colombina
protesa alla finestra
con tre colombe in testa!

Sognare. Oh quei tre fanti
su tre cavalli bianchi:
bianca la sella,
bianca la donzella!

Chi fu l'anima sazia
che tolse da un affresco
o da un missale il fresco
sogno di tanta grazia?

A quanti bimbi morti
passò di bocca in bocca
la bella filastrocca,
signora delle sorti?


Anonymous 2013-09-11 12:09:43 No.4105031
Thanks. I'm gonna lift some weights and eat some lunch. Then I'll get to work on this.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 12:56:11 No.4105093
>we really care about your boring life

Anonymous 2013-09-11 13:12:16 No.4105116
Well fuck you too.

Not OP 2013-09-11 13:16:49 No.4105123
cock = rooster

You're welcome, this avoids a lot of confusion and jokes of what is dick and the male gendered chicken.

Not OP 2013-09-11 13:17:22 No.4105125
Yeah, go ahead man, see you later.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 16:43:59 No.4105537

Eyes closed I
lying midst the clover
spot a four-leafed one
but leave it be

I didn't feel content with my attempts at any of the other ones. >>4103961 has it right: this is very difficult to translate without breaking it. And keeping the rhyme is practically impossible.

Anonymous 2013-09-11 17:36:20 No.4105617
yes, however

did an excellent work. >>4103961, are you a professional translator?

Not OP 2013-09-12 06:50:38 No.4107337
I don't think he is at all (if he was he wouldn't be posting here...) but who am I to kid.

Anonymous 2013-09-13 00:25:20 No.4108889
>I don't think he is at all (if he was he wouldn't be posting here...)

why shouldn't a professional translator post here?

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